God Hear My Prayer

Things happen in our lives that we have no control over

I’m numb to the fact of what’s happening in my life and I’m not willing to accept the current circumstances

But I must accept the current circumstances

My faith is tested every day, but I know in my heart that we will be okay

I know in my heart that prayer and time heals things

But I still feel somber as I try to remain positive despite the negative thoughts that creep into my mind

A full recovery is on the horizon

Better days are ahead

God hear my prayer because the thoughts won’t turn themselves off

I feel as if I am drowning

Trying to keep my head above water

My heart hurts

I feel this pain, this uncertainty

But I know everything will be okay

I believe everything will be okay

God will make a way

He hears my prayers

And you both will see happier days

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Ungrateful

Misery loves company, and maybe you love watching all the unfortunate breaks happen to us because you’re not where you’d like to be

And maybe I’m stuck in my own self-pity

And you are too, but you’re also ungrateful

Unwilling to acknowledge all the things that are being done for you

Have been done for you

Fed up would be an understatement to how I feel at this point

I don’t doubt you love us, but I do know that you will take care of yourself first when it comes down to it

What we are dealing with is significantly small compared to the bigger and saddening catastrophes of the world

But yet, I still feel the weight

The sadness of my mother’s eyes

The hunger and dedication of wanting to better our situation and somehow I still come up short

My faith used to be enormous

It’s slowly dwindling down to nothing now

Circumstances can do that to a person

So I write to release

Getting out the feelings I can’t speak

I write

Hoping and praying that our situation will improve

It’s evident you’re not changing, but hopefully, I can better my circumstances

Because although I may be in misery right now, one thing is crystal clear…

I DO NOT WANT the company

 

You Need to Have a “Come to Jesus” Moment With Yourself.

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Have you ever had a “come to Jesus” moment? With yourself? For someone else? I’ve had several, and each time I’ve learned the truth about myself whether I wanted to hear it or not. There are two things I need to acknowledge, however, before moving forward:

  1. What’s a “come to Jesus” moment?
  2. And what qualifies as a “come to Jesus” moment, who needs it, and when should it take place?

Now I know that question two was a bit loaded. But let’s address my reasoning behind this post first before answering the questions. There’s been a lot of back and forth in my life recently. Dealing with family, career, and everything in between. The only thing keeping me sane at this point is prayer and my faith. I’ve been exploring several options career-wise, going on interviews, getting rejected, and nothing seems to pan out.

And you could say well, join the club. There’s a lot of people experiencing rejection whether it’s with family, career, what have you. And you’re right, but maybe by me addressing this topic, I could help someone else out who might not know how to sort through everything. My reason for this post is because I am having a “come to Jesus” moment with myself right now.

I am acknowledging that I am not satisfied with how things are happening in my life, so this brings me to my first question: What’s considered a “come to Jesus” moment? Everyone has their own opinion, but I feel that having this sort of moment means that you’re acknowledging what is happening within your life or someone else’s life that you may care about, and you would like to see a positive change happen.

What qualifies as a “come to Jesus” moment, who needs it, and when should it take place? Acknowledging that you have certain situations happening in your life that you might not agree with, and willing to discuss it is what I feel qualifies as that moment. Anyone can have it, and it can take place anywhere. Over the phone, in person, even via email. 

Life is full of ups and downs, but taking those lessons in both the good and bad is honestly what I feel life is about. It’s about the journey. How you’ve managed to improve your life and make it better than say last year.

download (1)Improvement. Acknowledgment. Discussion. These are just three areas that I’ve been a part of in order to work through my own “come to Jesus” moment. I’ve acknowledged that there was an issue within my life, I’ve discussed that specific issue with who I needed to whether in prayer or talking with someone, and I’ve worked towards improving as best I can so that the issue/situation doesn’t linger if it doesn’t need to.

This saying “come to Jesus” moment is actually a saying that most are familiar with, but have maybe used a different saying or tactic behind getting to the resolution. Everyone’s different. This is my way of putting it out in the universe as a reminder to again, acknowledge my problems and try my best to rectify them as best I can.

Blessings,

M

Indifference

I love you, but our circumstances aren’t so great

I wish you would change but only you can want that for yourself

Only you can see that there is something wrong with this dynamic

I don’t want to say you’re toxic because I love and care for you too much, but my heart aches each and every time you walk through the door

My heart aches each and every time you walk out the door

Back and forth. It’s like a tug-of-war with no winner

Just aches and pains as I watch sacrifices being made even if it means jeopardizing the peace that is here when you’re gone

But these are just my thoughts

The good should out way the bad

I love you, but I can’t sacrifice my peace for  your enjoyment

Fashion Designing with a Twist: Meet Blogger and Aspiring Fashion Designer RayelleXO

There’s much to be said about someone who refuses to succumb to the circumstances that they have been faced with. Being able to utilize what most would consider a hindrance and use it as a positive proving to yourself and others that you are capable of accomplishing anything you want says a lot.

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Frechena Russ at a media event

 

This is what Frechena Russ (Rayelle XO) has done for herself. Refusing to let having Cerebral palsy deter her from her dream of becoming a fashion designer, Russ has trailblazed a path that’s all her own creating RayelleXO: Always on the Go! – a blog showcasing various aspects of fashion from personal views to events, as well as highlighting influential individuals with disabilities.

Russ uses her blogging platform to engage and inform readers about the fashion industry and what she’s encountered along her journey. Her blog is a great start to what I feel will become an insightful and motivating go to for fashion entrepreneurs and the like.

 

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Russ featured with two ladies at media event

While I appreciate Russ’ content, I feel as if she should have included more information about her blog, as well as provided working links to her other social media platforms so that individuals could connect with her. I also feel that adding a visual element such as videos of the different events she attends or an opening video detailing and welcoming viewers to her sight would be a great addition. Also, incorporating interviews with various fashion designers/entrepreneurs would help to highlight her blog even more. Connecting with fellow fashion bloggers or writing for fashion sites not only utilizes her skills in a different area but also can help to promote her work and what she’s accomplished thus far.

 

It can be tough gaining entry into any career field, and I applaud Russ’ efforts in continuing to strive for her goals and make individuals take notice of her capabilities in a world where most people tend to shy away from people with disabilities. RayelleXO: Always on the Go! is just the beginning for this tenacious, humble, and hardworking individual!

**Be sure to stay tuned for an update regarding Frechena Russ!

 

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There’s a First Time for Everything

It’s been about two months since I posted something. I wanted to share a video with you all. I decided to try a new piece of equipment with the intent to help me with my Cerebral palsy. I’m willing to try new things and seeing as this was my first time on this machine, I have to say that I liked it.

Here is a photo of me on the machine and you can click the image to view the video footage.

Have you ever tried something new for the first time? What were your thoughts? Feelings? Share them with me in the comments section.

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Blessings,

M

Seven Ways Depression can Affect Your Life

Last year, I posted a blog post and invited you In My Mind once again. In this post, I admitted that I have depression. Admitting that was difficult for me because this meant that I was allowing myself to be vulnerable. More importantly,  it was a way for me to admit something I often kept to myself, and now I had to learn to accept it and move forward.

Often times, in the African American community, there is this unspoken stigma placed upon us where admitting our problems to an outside source (psychiatrist, friend, stranger) is not supposed to be done, because we deal with our “problems” amongst our family or internally handle our own situation.

As a Black female with a disability, I have faced a lot of obstacles both from outside sources and internally. Depression is one of them, and boy is it something. Some days I am happy, other days I’m sad, angry, and then without warning, I can experience a combination all in one day. And I feel that having Cerebral palsy only assists my depression along further.

Everyone has their bad days, but I think when you’re battling illnesses like depression, your bad days tend to happen a lot more frequently and last longer than you would like. Depression doesn’t just affect the person experiencing it, it can affect everyone involved in some capacity with this person.

So, I’ve decided to include seven ways I feel depression has affected my life, and I hope that my story can encourage someone to seek the help they need, or maybe some can relate to what I have to say and would like to share or leave a comment. The point is not to stay silent, rather it’s to educate/enlighten individuals about an illness that many people struggle with and the way in which it can affect them.

Here are seven ways depression affects my life:

  1. Feeling as if you’re not worthy of success, relationships, love, etc. 
  2. The constant emotional changes.
  3. Not having the energy to complete responsibilities/goals you have set for yourself.
  4. Having difficulty explaining to a loved one, friend, etc. what is going on with you. You can’t seem to find the right words to explain your depression.
  5. The constant comparison of yourself to others.
  6. The mental battle with yourself of knowing you want to feel better and do better, but you just can’t bring yourself to do this because you’re focused on the negative.
  7. The struggle of admitting your depressed in order to seek help because you feel as if you’ll be labeled in a negative light, so you just deal with it.

Again, these are just some ways in which this illness has affected my life. Everyone’s story is different, but I hope that those of you who read this and are struggling with depression can find comfort in knowing YOU’RE NOT ALONE and that you can seek help.

Blessings,

M

You Never Know Who’s Watching or Reading What You Post

It’s the small victories that can lead you to the bigger ones! I am forever grateful to all who have chosen to follow my blog, who continue to read my posts, like and share them 🙂 You all rock! And … Continue reading

Struggles:Open, Honest, My Truth

Everyone has something they are dealing with. But everyone is not willing to be open and honest about it. I have been dealing with something for some time now, and I have finally decided to open up about it. For the longest, I was fearful of exposing my truth because I  was always told “Don’t let people know your business,” and in some aspects that’s accurate, but in other ways sharing my story could possibly help someone else.

I have been battling with depression since I was in my teens, and it has escalated due to family drama. Everyone has drama that they deal with, and they choose to handle it how they see fit. I deal with my depression and family issues through writing. Some days are good and others are not so good. I try my hardest to find the positive in things, but it becomes difficult when all I see is negativity around me.

The answer would be simple, remove myself from the situations that cause me pain, but that’s easier said than done. I love my family and want the best for them but I am fed up with my living situation, and seeing as I have CP and require the use of a wheelchair as a means to get to and from places, finding a space to call my own presents a problem.

I started this blog three years ago with the intent to share whatever is on my mind, and I feel that in order for people to relate to you or feel connected in some way, you have to be open and live in your truth even if you are afraid to express yourself. So here is me living in my truth expressing that I battle with depression, am not happy with my current living situation, but I know that with my faith, love, and trust in God and Jesus that all things are possible. This is a storm that I am going through but it won’t last forever, and I am not alone in my struggle.

Blessings and happy writing,

M

Being Young and Twenty

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What’s it like to be young and twenty? What’s it like to have CP? I’ve had my share of good and bad days, and in that, I also understand how blessed I am. I recently shared my story with Jennifer. She has a site called Being Young and Twenty. Head on over there to read more of my story and to check out her site.

I want to thank her for the opportunity to share my story. Hopefully, someone who reads it will feel inspired, less alone, and will return the favor in helping another. Every little bit counts.

Blessings,

M