These aches and pains have to be for something
There has to be a reason for the ever-ending nos
The constant rejection
The self-doubt
Wondering if I’ll ever find my footing in a world filled with so much and so little
Wondering what’s my purpose
Why was I brought into this world? My presence on this earth
Am I here to inspire? Am I here to help?
So many questions
I know I’m not the only one
At some point in your life, you’ve had the same thought as I’m bringing to the surface
What’s my purpose?
My life, your life has to mean something not just to our family and friends
The reason for being, living, doing, and seeing things
Purpose
It’s what drives you, helps you to understand what you are to do and why
But if you are unsure, then what do you do?
How do you find it?
Writing is a release
Innermost thoughts now become public divulgence
Is my purpose to write? Do something else?
Not sure.
Maybe that’s the point of my journey finding what my purpose is
But how old is too old for you to try and find yourself before it’s too late?
Tag Archives: Quarantine
2:45 Dancing With The Flames (Quarantine Edition)
It’s 2:45. I watch as the flames dance together inside the candle I just lit as a means to ease my mind from the constant thoughts that manage to emerge when I don’t want them to
I’m constantly traveling back to the past.
Worried about my future, wondering if I’m going to make it in this life
But what does that mean, and what does that look like?
I think I’m stuck where my mind screams 17, but my body says I’m 33
Not being able to live out your life normally.
Not having unfortunate things happen to you that will alter your life’s trajectory as you get older.
And so I dance with the flames as if there isn’t a care in the world.
Peacefully released from this inner turmoil of sadness and confusion
And we dance together in this mesmerizing bliss.
Letting go of the past and not afraid of what’s to come regarding the future
It’s 2:45, and I watch these flames dance this rhythmic dance of completion, togetherness.
And I realize something.
I am not alone
I’m not alone in my pain
My fears
My struggles
My questions for the future
I, like these flames, have a tribe of my own who supports and loves me.
Conversations With Jesus (Quarantine Edition)
I woke up feeling like WTF.
Planted my feet on the floor and said, let’s get this day started
Anxiety is a bitch, and lately, I’ve been feeling mine announce its unwanted presence
I haven’t been clinically diagnosed as having anxiety, but you know how some of us are. We’ll diagnose ourselves as having something before a doctor can
I spend my time conversing with Jesus before doing anything else, and usually, that helps, but lately, I’ve been all over the place
Emotions are up and down
Physically in pain thanks to the various ailments going on with my body
It amazes me that somedays I still smile
Negative thoughts creep into my mind every once and a while
And like a pesky fly, I have to swat them out, refusing for them to receive space in my head for free
Man, my conversations with Jesus, God, and my angels be one for the books
They’re probably saying, “look at my poor child. We have to help her.”
Somehow I manage to march on, and I know that that’s only by God’s grace, mercy, and love
I had a conversation with an acquaintance yesterday, and we spoke about Corna and the current state of the world
I wonder the outcome of everything, but only God has that answer
So many people have lost their lives or people they’ve known to this sickening disease
And so many people still refuse to adhere to the guidelines and regulations that would work towards keeping us safe
Yeah, Jesus and I talk about a lot of things, and some of it is what you have before you
I wonder if years later, when I’ve gone home, will someone find my endless ramblings and poetry
And endless invite into my mind
What will they think, feel, say?
Would they think I’m dope, sad, angry all the time, confused, or straight bat shit crazy?
Who knows?
I’m sure they’ll have their unique conversations with Jesus
Because honestly, if you believe in him, then we all do
In My Mind 