This isn’t Goodbye

This isn’t goodbye or see you later

Rather a reintroduction

You were there for many of my firsts

Long talks just shooting the breeze

You said you’d never leave me you’d always be here

So this isn’t goodbye

I told you to fight and damn it you better fight

Prayer warriors surround you lifting you up and filling you with God’s grace, mercy and love

You are a child of the Most High God

And although our day must come where we rest and go home to be with our heavenly Father

I strongly want to believe through my faith and trust in God that this isn’t your time

This isn’t goodbye

Just a minor setback for ever so glorious testimony

I love you and I know you will be back with us again

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2019

You’re here

I’m thankful to God that I am able to see you

But if I’m being honest, it hasn’t been quite eventful

In fact, it’s started off kind of rocky

But through it all, I must remain thankful

For the good, bad, and unforeseen

Because each provides a lesson that must be learned

So I welcome the opportunities, the bad breaks/misfortunes, and the endless memories that will be made

Hello, 2019.

I welcome the endless possibilities you’ll bring

 

God Hear My Prayer

Things happen in our lives that we have no control over

I’m numb to the fact of what’s happening in my life and I’m not willing to accept the current circumstances

But I must accept the current circumstances

My faith is tested every day, but I know in my heart that we will be okay

I know in my heart that prayer and time heals things

But I still feel somber as I try to remain positive despite the negative thoughts that creep into my mind

A full recovery is on the horizon

Better days are ahead

God hear my prayer because the thoughts won’t turn themselves off

I feel as if I am drowning

Trying to keep my head above water

My heart hurts

I feel this pain, this uncertainty

But I know everything will be okay

I believe everything will be okay

God will make a way

He hears my prayers

And you both will see happier days

Dream Chaser

You went and followed your dreams

And here I am stuck

But it isn’t your fault

I can’t blame you

We both have different lives we live

Yours seem less confined

Mine has me feeling like I’m locked up in chains

But, you’re the dream chaser

I often wonder where would I be if this chair wasn’t holding me

Holding me hostage

Unable to excel at what my heart desires

Honestly though, I’ve got to laugh at that one cause I don’t know what my purpose is anymore

There isn’t that fire, that spark that has me jumping for joy

Just the taste of it and I’m hooked

But then I think about how maybe there’s a reason for this chair and a reason why things are the way they are in my life

Count your blessings you whinny asshole

It could be worse

And so I sit and daydream about that day when my dreams will manifest

You can’t let fear be your downfall

You clearly didn’t

But some things have limitations, and it’s clear what mine are

Dream chaser

At least one of us can see our name in lights, right?

Take Me Home (Poem)

Four-cornered room with four-cornered walls

A head full of dreams

Eyes gazed at the stars not knowing where I’m headed, not understanding how far I’ve come

God is the only consistent thing

Lord, please take me home

Home where there’s peace all around no worries holding me down

Lord, please fix this pain inside

Lord, please take my hand

As I sit and wonder what’s next for my life I watch as the sun transcends down

The night sky appears as tears escape my eyes

Lord, please take me home where I can be me, I can be free

Ungrateful

Misery loves company, and maybe you love watching all the unfortunate breaks happen to us because you’re not where you’d like to be

And maybe I’m stuck in my own self-pity

And you are too, but you’re also ungrateful

Unwilling to acknowledge all the things that are being done for you

Have been done for you

Fed up would be an understatement to how I feel at this point

I don’t doubt you love us, but I do know that you will take care of yourself first when it comes down to it

What we are dealing with is significantly small compared to the bigger and saddening catastrophes of the world

But yet, I still feel the weight

The sadness of my mother’s eyes

The hunger and dedication of wanting to better our situation and somehow I still come up short

My faith used to be enormous

It’s slowly dwindling down to nothing now

Circumstances can do that to a person

So I write to release

Getting out the feelings I can’t speak

I write

Hoping and praying that our situation will improve

It’s evident you’re not changing, but hopefully, I can better my circumstances

Because although I may be in misery right now, one thing is crystal clear…

I DO NOT WANT the company

 

Wild Heart

Barefoot in the sand with images of you running through my mind

I move closer towards the water

So peaceful, so blue, crystal clear

I smile at the thought of what used to be

No longer in each other’s lives

I appreciate the memories though

The sand crumbles between my toes as I watch the sunset

We used to do this together

But here I stand alone left with the memory of me and you

Your hand touches my face as I feel the wind breeze through my hair

I can get lost in this moment forever

Say you’ll never leave

Please don’t go

But as the waves wash against the shore I am reminded that you’re leaving

Sand between my toes as I look out into a sea of beauty

The night sky is fast approaching and while I would love to stay and reminisce I must be going

There are new memories to be made

New beaches for me to explore

New opportunities for me to run barefoot

Freely taking in everything around me

Wild heart

 

Lost

Somehow I found myself standing at the edge of no return

Feeling as if I am all alone in this

A fight with no clear winner

A beginning with no end

Constantly running, reaching for something but it’s unclear as to what you’re reaching for

A smile plastered on a face that hides a deep sadness, a yearning for things to be different

Lost

Unsure where to go and how you’re going to get there

Lost

Unable to find your way amongst the sea of people who try and help you

Lost

As you stand at the edge of that cliff

Should you jump and take a chance or back away for fear of what might await you?

Smiling Through the Tears

Some days it’s hard to smile through the constant tears that invade my life, but I try.

A painted on grin from ear to ear masks a past filled with pain and uncertainty, which has grown as time has continued on.

Life. This interesting thing we are discovering filled with ups, downs, twists, turns, love, and heartache.

Learning to smile through the tears takes skill not many can master.

Not many will be faced with depression, sadness, anger, confusion, and so much more because of it.

I choose to smile, but there’s this lingering thought in my head questioning why?

You’re comfortable in the darkness, in the shadows, below those that shine brightly while you claw your way trying to get to where they are because you don’t recognize your full potential.

You’re not beneath anyone. In fact, you’re above.

Creating your own lane, creating a path all your own.

But sometimes you feel unworthy as if you don’t belong.

An outcry for help goes unheard because no one truly sees you for who you are and what you can become.

Greatness.

Indifference

I love you, but our circumstances aren’t so great

I wish you would change but only you can want that for yourself

Only you can see that there is something wrong with this dynamic

I don’t want to say you’re toxic because I love and care for you too much, but my heart aches each and every time you walk through the door

My heart aches each and every time you walk out the door

Back and forth. It’s like a tug-of-war with no winner

Just aches and pains as I watch sacrifices being made even if it means jeopardizing the peace that is here when you’re gone

But these are just my thoughts

The good should out way the bad

I love you, but I can’t sacrifice my peace for ¬†your enjoyment