I feel like a prisoner in my own home.
Confined to a room
My family and I recently moved, and I was under the impression and optimistic about this particular house being accessible for my needs
I was wrong
I do understand, however, that no house will ever be completely accessible
What hurts the most for me is it’s a struggle to get up and down my own steps
I just don’t feel like doing that every day
Having to ask my mother who has aliments herself to help me up and down the stairs every time I want to go downstairs or come back up to my bedroom
At this moment, having Cerebral Palsy sucks
It’s like I got one good thing and then a bunch of other shitty options to try and balance everything out, and it doesn’t
I have been sharing a room with someone my whole life, and now I finally get a room to myself, but now I can’t be as independent as I’d like because I can’t travel freely throughout my house, nor am I able to shower without receiving assistance now, whereas, before I could do it on my own
The tub is lower, which makes it difficult for me to transfer in and out, and there’s too much space between the tub, the equipment I use to shower, and the sink. I need something to hold onto to feel secure to transfer from my chair into the shower, and unfortunately, I don’t have that
I’m over crying and wondering why me? Now I am angry and fed up with the inaccessibility I have to endure when all I want to do is live my life accordingly, and I feel as if I can’t
I went back and forth as to whether I should write and post this knowing other people will possibly read and see this, but then I thought, why the fuck not?
Writing for me and releasing my feelings is like an artist releasing their feelings in a song, or a painter painting their emotions on a canvas.
I’m releasing how I feel at this very moment just to get it out of my head. Will it make me feel better? Probably not. But it’s out. I’ve had several conversations with Jesus, God, and my angels, and I know faith is very vital in this situation, but I am human, and my flesh is weak.
Weak to the point where I am using this platform, my blog, to vent what is inside my mind, my heart. I’ve started using this saying, “Such is life” a whole lot because I feel that when things are beyond my control, “such is life.”
I try my hardest to look at the positives of this situation. I have my family, my health, and my strength. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, so many people don’t have that, so you have to be thankful, and then I ask myself at what point does what you are feeling become a whine-fest or are you valid in how you feel and your concerns?
I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. I’m sick and tired of this inaccessibility bullshit. I just want to live my life as normal as possible. I’m deserved that, right?
I don’t know. Such is life. Rant over.